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Hey readers! I'm still here, but at my new married blog:


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Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

I love your ambition.
Your drive.
Your work ethic.
Your eagerness.
Your creativity.

It all rubs off on me.

I become a better person when I'm with you.
I become my best person with you.

You help lift me up.
You help push me to my limits.
You help expand my learning.
You help bring out my light.

You must be the man I'm supposed to marry.
Because when I'm with you, I'm better.
You're helping me become my best person.

I love you with all my heart.
11 days left.


Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

T minus 28 days until we are married!

Thank you for being so patient with all of our wedding planning.
Thank you for giving your input on small details that don't really matter, but for one reason or another I can't make a final decision. 
Thank you for being so calm, cool and collected when I go bridezilla and have panic attacks.

Thank you for working hard so we can go on the most amazing, fun honeymoon of all time ever!
Thank you for loving my wedding dress.
Thank you for indulging me and talking about our future children's names. 
Even if we have differing opinions on them ...

Thank you for being so helpful with my new big girl job, internship and last semester at BYU.
Thank you for making me smile and laugh, especially when I'm stressed.
Thank you for still loving me when I'm hangry or "full of hate."

I can't wait to be with you for always.
We're going to have an amazing life together.



Conversion Story

My dear readers,

These past few days I've noticed a very odd amount of people asking about my "conversion story" so to speak. I've given bits and pieces, sparing the excruciating details that would bore anyone to tears. One of my friends said that I should write a post about it, it was their request

Still a tad bit weary about the whole idea here it is. 

Hailey Nickell's Abridged Conversion Story 

I grew up in the church. Active parents and little brother. I went through the seminary program, went to all three hours of church every week, Beehive 1st counselor, Mia Maid secretary and Laurel president. 

Everything was good in the hood until my Senior year of high school. To spare the gorey deeets I stopped going to church, reading my scriptures, praying, you know everything you're supposed to do. 

I don't really want to focus on how long I was away from the church or what I did and did not do, because that's not the important part. The important part comes next.

It was a freeeeeezing cold February day while I was standing outside of the Salt Lake Temple waiting for my best friend Kailee to walk out with her new husband. I felt a little bitter because it was so darn cold and I kept thinking, "what's the point in being here if I'm not in the temple?!" (Sorry Kailee). 

Then it happened.

Kailee and Josh walked out of the Salt Lake Temple absolutely beaming. They looked so incredibly undeniably happy that it literally took my breath away. I couldn't explain it at the time but as I saw them, in that moment I knew without a doubt that I wanted what they had.

Kailee came over to give me a hug and I couldn't hold back my tears. Yes, they were tears of happiness for her, but also tears of realizing that I was not where I wanted to be and how badly I wanted to have a temple marriage.

Thus began the repentance process. It was hard, long and painful but it was what needed to be done. I realized I had missed out on so many opportunities and blessings that were waiting for me, had I been keeping the commandments. 

I got to see first hand the change the atonement makes in someone, myself. That is an experience I wouldn't trade for the world. No one can understand the renewed energy I felt. The new dedication and pure joy that came from the atonement.

Things worked out better than expected. I got to serve a mission in Brazil and teach people there about my experience and help them turn their lives to the Lord.

I'm also extremely happy to say that what I want more than anything is coming true. And on September 20, 2012 I get to walk out of the temple with  my husband, just like Kailee did, and I can only hope that I will be beaming just like she was.


My better half ...

  1. Secretly an Iron Chef
  2. Likes working with his hands
  3. Prefers to listen to classical music
  1. Embraces her Native American heritage through turquoise jewelry
  2. Vividly remembers her dreams every night ....
  3. Spends her free time baking
(Hailey) I picked him out on my mom's class roll because he was smoldering.
(Chad) She thought my EMS radio was hot.
(Hailey) I interviewed him for a class.
(Chad) She wondered why I didn't eat my bagel.
(Hailey) He texted me for a few months before he asked me out.
(Chad) I was using the "Rock Star" effect on her.
We drove the Alpine Loop.
(Hailey) He told me he was a trouble maker!
(Chad) She didn't believe me.
We had a first kiss that you only see in movies.
And we've been happily together since.

He decided to give me his last name.
And now we're going to be married.


Oh wait, MED SCHOOL?!

One of the things that initially attracted me to Chad was his devotion, ambition and dedication.
I knew he was handsome before I ever met him.
I knew I wanted a date with him before I ever talked to him.
I say that for those of you who have "Gold Digger" in your mind.


If I were a gold digger I would marry someone going into business or programming.
NOT someone who is about to go into hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt in which we might be paying off until we're 60.
But I digress ...

I've been extremely caught up into a wedding planning craze.

Curly or straight hair?


It doesn't end.
But I'm not complaining, I love it. I love planning it.

In the midst of my wedding planning haze suddenly a thought occurred to me.
Med school.

Chad's been filling out his secondary apps for the schools he applied for.
26 schools total? (I'm a horrible fiance I should know for sure)
Each school has anywhere from 3-6 essays that need to be filled out for the secondaries.

That's about 130 essays total.
Chad's been great and really working hard to stay on top of the countless essays.

This was just a blip in my radar when I realized.
Oh wait, MED SCHOOL!!!
We'll be going to MED SCHOOL.

Anyone ever seen Grey's Anatomy or Scrubs?
Yeah, I guess it's kind of like that.

I realized that I'll be Mrs. MD and I'll have to live and love that even with all the implications that come from it.

Chad will spend 12 hours a day studying, every.single.day.
Sleep? Yeah try 5-6 hours TOPS.
Money? We'll be romantically impoverished.
Quality time together? Sure, if you count seeing him for one hour a day as he's studying and eating dinner as he rushes out the door.

Med School huh?

OK, OK. I don't know if it will be exactly like that. But I do have friends who are there and I've heard their stories.
It's OK though.
I'm a strong, independent woman who will find things to occupy my time while the future Mr. becomes an MD.
Yes, I will try to secure a high-paying marketing or PR job where I can pay for our bills & living expenses while he's at school.
No, we won't be getting pregnant anytime soon to "give me something to do."
And yes, even amongst the craziness of what is sure to come, I will love it.
And him.
And live happily ever after ...


Marriage worth it?

Dear Readers,

Please do not be alarmed by this post. Sometimes I like to play devil's advocate. My most recent pondering and research have led me to think about, "is marriage worth it?"

Worth what?!
In recently read articles, forums and talking to other married or divorced people it is many things.
It = stress, hurt, tears, anxiety, distrust, regret, possible divorce.
So to restate my previous question, "is marriage worth the stress, hurt, tears, anxiety, distrust, regret and possible divorce?"

In recent conversations about 98% (the 2% is my mom who thinks being married to my dad is the easiest, which I'm sure it is) of the people have told me that marriage is:
  • hard
  • frustrating
  • stressful
  • disappointing
  • not all it's cracked up to be
  • heartache
Whhhhhhhhhhhy then would anyone settle into an eternal covenant of marriage knowing that it will be all those things?!

50% of all marriages end up divorce these days. Compared to 13% of LDS people who get married in the temple and stay active.
 Still 13 percent ....
In some states now they have "divorce kiosks" where you can get a divorce without ever having to see a judge.

So why why why whhhhhhy would anyone ever want to get married?

Some things to consider:
You need to pick the right person. If you find the right person and fall in love with them then you will be willing to do whatever is needed to get through all the frustration, the hard times, the stress and the let downs to keep your marriage together.

Marriage is not easy (for everyone). Yes I do know people who say marriage is easy because they picked someone who makes it that way. But for the majority of those who are married, it is not easy. You have to live with someone who thinks, acts and has different habits than you. You're suddenly spending a loooooot of time with that person. You're going to get on each others nerves and probably snap. But apparently if you love them and remember that, you'll be fine.

If you want it to work, it will. It's like anything else that's hard. If you put in 100% of your effort and want it to work out, more than likely it will.

It's forever. In the LDS culture we believe that marriage is eternal. For those of us who choose to get married in the temple that is not just a commitment, it's a covenant. Knowing that wouldn't you want to treat your spouse who will be with you forever with all the respect in the world? Also, we honor and keep our covenants to a T, so the marriage covenant shouldn't be any different.

I've come to the conclusion that maybe marriage isn't for everyone.
Maybe some people are better off without it.
But if and when you do get married there are some things you cannot compromise:
  • Marry someone you trust 100%
  • Choose daily to love your spouse. Yeah you can wake up with negative feelings about them, or you can choose to love them every single day.
  • When you're mad at them, pray with or for them
  • Have faith that your marriage will last
So what do you think? Is marriage worth it?

External articles I found interesting: