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Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

I love your ambition.
Your drive.
Your work ethic.
Your eagerness.
Your creativity.

It all rubs off on me.

I become a better person when I'm with you.
I become my best person with you.

You help lift me up.
You help push me to my limits.
You help expand my learning.
You help bring out my light.

You must be the man I'm supposed to marry.
Because when I'm with you, I'm better.
You're helping me become my best person.

I love you with all my heart.
11 days left.


Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

T minus 28 days until we are married!

Thank you for being so patient with all of our wedding planning.
Thank you for giving your input on small details that don't really matter, but for one reason or another I can't make a final decision. 
Thank you for being so calm, cool and collected when I go bridezilla and have panic attacks.

Thank you for working hard so we can go on the most amazing, fun honeymoon of all time ever!
Thank you for loving my wedding dress.
Thank you for indulging me and talking about our future children's names. 
Even if we have differing opinions on them ...

Thank you for being so helpful with my new big girl job, internship and last semester at BYU.
Thank you for making me smile and laugh, especially when I'm stressed.
Thank you for still loving me when I'm hangry or "full of hate."

I can't wait to be with you for always.
We're going to have an amazing life together.



Conversion Story

My dear readers,

These past few days I've noticed a very odd amount of people asking about my "conversion story" so to speak. I've given bits and pieces, sparing the excruciating details that would bore anyone to tears. One of my friends said that I should write a post about it, it was their request

Still a tad bit weary about the whole idea here it is. 

Hailey Nickell's Abridged Conversion Story 

I grew up in the church. Active parents and little brother. I went through the seminary program, went to all three hours of church every week, Beehive 1st counselor, Mia Maid secretary and Laurel president. 

Everything was good in the hood until my Senior year of high school. To spare the gorey deeets I stopped going to church, reading my scriptures, praying, you know everything you're supposed to do. 

I don't really want to focus on how long I was away from the church or what I did and did not do, because that's not the important part. The important part comes next.

It was a freeeeeezing cold February day while I was standing outside of the Salt Lake Temple waiting for my best friend Kailee to walk out with her new husband. I felt a little bitter because it was so darn cold and I kept thinking, "what's the point in being here if I'm not in the temple?!" (Sorry Kailee). 

Then it happened.

Kailee and Josh walked out of the Salt Lake Temple absolutely beaming. They looked so incredibly undeniably happy that it literally took my breath away. I couldn't explain it at the time but as I saw them, in that moment I knew without a doubt that I wanted what they had.

Kailee came over to give me a hug and I couldn't hold back my tears. Yes, they were tears of happiness for her, but also tears of realizing that I was not where I wanted to be and how badly I wanted to have a temple marriage.

Thus began the repentance process. It was hard, long and painful but it was what needed to be done. I realized I had missed out on so many opportunities and blessings that were waiting for me, had I been keeping the commandments. 

I got to see first hand the change the atonement makes in someone, myself. That is an experience I wouldn't trade for the world. No one can understand the renewed energy I felt. The new dedication and pure joy that came from the atonement.

Things worked out better than expected. I got to serve a mission in Brazil and teach people there about my experience and help them turn their lives to the Lord.

I'm also extremely happy to say that what I want more than anything is coming true. And on September 20, 2012 I get to walk out of the temple with  my husband, just like Kailee did, and I can only hope that I will be beaming just like she was.


My better half ...

  1. Secretly an Iron Chef
  2. Likes working with his hands
  3. Prefers to listen to classical music
  1. Embraces her Native American heritage through turquoise jewelry
  2. Vividly remembers her dreams every night ....
  3. Spends her free time baking
(Hailey) I picked him out on my mom's class roll because he was smoldering.
(Chad) She thought my EMS radio was hot.
(Hailey) I interviewed him for a class.
(Chad) She wondered why I didn't eat my bagel.
(Hailey) He texted me for a few months before he asked me out.
(Chad) I was using the "Rock Star" effect on her.
We drove the Alpine Loop.
(Hailey) He told me he was a trouble maker!
(Chad) She didn't believe me.
We had a first kiss that you only see in movies.
And we've been happily together since.

He decided to give me his last name.
And now we're going to be married.


Oh wait, MED SCHOOL?!

One of the things that initially attracted me to Chad was his devotion, ambition and dedication.
I knew he was handsome before I ever met him.
I knew I wanted a date with him before I ever talked to him.
I say that for those of you who have "Gold Digger" in your mind.


If I were a gold digger I would marry someone going into business or programming.
NOT someone who is about to go into hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt in which we might be paying off until we're 60.
But I digress ...

I've been extremely caught up into a wedding planning craze.

Curly or straight hair?


It doesn't end.
But I'm not complaining, I love it. I love planning it.

In the midst of my wedding planning haze suddenly a thought occurred to me.
Med school.

Chad's been filling out his secondary apps for the schools he applied for.
26 schools total? (I'm a horrible fiance I should know for sure)
Each school has anywhere from 3-6 essays that need to be filled out for the secondaries.

That's about 130 essays total.
Chad's been great and really working hard to stay on top of the countless essays.

This was just a blip in my radar when I realized.
Oh wait, MED SCHOOL!!!
We'll be going to MED SCHOOL.

Anyone ever seen Grey's Anatomy or Scrubs?
Yeah, I guess it's kind of like that.

I realized that I'll be Mrs. MD and I'll have to live and love that even with all the implications that come from it.

Chad will spend 12 hours a day studying, every.single.day.
Sleep? Yeah try 5-6 hours TOPS.
Money? We'll be romantically impoverished.
Quality time together? Sure, if you count seeing him for one hour a day as he's studying and eating dinner as he rushes out the door.

Med School huh?

OK, OK. I don't know if it will be exactly like that. But I do have friends who are there and I've heard their stories.
It's OK though.
I'm a strong, independent woman who will find things to occupy my time while the future Mr. becomes an MD.
Yes, I will try to secure a high-paying marketing or PR job where I can pay for our bills & living expenses while he's at school.
No, we won't be getting pregnant anytime soon to "give me something to do."
And yes, even amongst the craziness of what is sure to come, I will love it.
And him.
And live happily ever after ...


Marriage worth it?

Dear Readers,

Please do not be alarmed by this post. Sometimes I like to play devil's advocate. My most recent pondering and research have led me to think about, "is marriage worth it?"

Worth what?!
In recently read articles, forums and talking to other married or divorced people it is many things.
It = stress, hurt, tears, anxiety, distrust, regret, possible divorce.
So to restate my previous question, "is marriage worth the stress, hurt, tears, anxiety, distrust, regret and possible divorce?"

In recent conversations about 98% (the 2% is my mom who thinks being married to my dad is the easiest, which I'm sure it is) of the people have told me that marriage is:
  • hard
  • frustrating
  • stressful
  • disappointing
  • not all it's cracked up to be
  • heartache
Whhhhhhhhhhhy then would anyone settle into an eternal covenant of marriage knowing that it will be all those things?!

50% of all marriages end up divorce these days. Compared to 13% of LDS people who get married in the temple and stay active.
 Still 13 percent ....
In some states now they have "divorce kiosks" where you can get a divorce without ever having to see a judge.

So why why why whhhhhhy would anyone ever want to get married?

Some things to consider:
You need to pick the right person. If you find the right person and fall in love with them then you will be willing to do whatever is needed to get through all the frustration, the hard times, the stress and the let downs to keep your marriage together.

Marriage is not easy (for everyone). Yes I do know people who say marriage is easy because they picked someone who makes it that way. But for the majority of those who are married, it is not easy. You have to live with someone who thinks, acts and has different habits than you. You're suddenly spending a loooooot of time with that person. You're going to get on each others nerves and probably snap. But apparently if you love them and remember that, you'll be fine.

If you want it to work, it will. It's like anything else that's hard. If you put in 100% of your effort and want it to work out, more than likely it will.

It's forever. In the LDS culture we believe that marriage is eternal. For those of us who choose to get married in the temple that is not just a commitment, it's a covenant. Knowing that wouldn't you want to treat your spouse who will be with you forever with all the respect in the world? Also, we honor and keep our covenants to a T, so the marriage covenant shouldn't be any different.

I've come to the conclusion that maybe marriage isn't for everyone.
Maybe some people are better off without it.
But if and when you do get married there are some things you cannot compromise:
  • Marry someone you trust 100%
  • Choose daily to love your spouse. Yeah you can wake up with negative feelings about them, or you can choose to love them every single day.
  • When you're mad at them, pray with or for them
  • Have faith that your marriage will last
So what do you think? Is marriage worth it?

External articles I found interesting:


Time Moves Slow

Happy 4th of July everyone!
Thank you to all those who are fighting for our safety & freedom.

Today marks:
1 month of being engaged to Chad
11 weeks until we get married
2 and a half months 
78 days
8 months of dating 
11 months of knowing of the other's existence 

September can't come sooner ...



Ladies and Gents.
It's JULY 1st!!! 
Where is this summer going?
It's sad that I'm spending most of it working & in class, because I'd rather be swimming, hiking, rafting, biking, climbing, running and living.

In T-Minus 11 weeks I get to call this handsome man:

My hubby.

We will go here:

And Chad will be so excited he does this:

And I'm sure I'll shed of few of these (out of happiness):

We'll live in a quaint little home where I can do this:



And this:

Someday have a couple of these:

After a highly successful career of this for Chad:

We'll grow old together but still do this:

And this:

And especially this:

Can you see why I'm so excited?
Soon-to-be-Mrs. Spencer


Dear Future Husband,

Dear Future Husband,

I know who you are.

I've never been so sure about anything before.
I have all the confidence in the world that you are my future husband.

I sit here and look at this ring on my finger and I know who you are.
How strange is it to think that after searching for all these years, here you are.
Standing in front of me.

I know your likes and dislikes.
I know your strengths and weaknesses.
I know when you're happy and sad.

I know who you are.

While I freely admit, I don't know everything about you.
But I do know that you're my future husband.

The one who's going to see me when I'm sick.
The one who's going to see me cry.
The one who's going to make me laugh.
The one who's going to commit to be with me forever.
The one.

Future husband, thank you for loving me.
Thank you for finally appearing in my life.
Thank you for be patient all these years waiting for me to find you.
Thank you for getting down on one knee and making your status as my future husband official.
Thank you for understanding that I will call you "hubby."
Thank you for being my future husband.

I can't wait until that day in September when "future" will be gone and you'll just be my husband.


Hump Day Happiness

Hump Day Happiness

Happy hilarious video:

Happy stranger compliment:

"You're hair is beautiful!"

Happy wedding cake:

Happy chap stick:

Happy food I'm dying to try:


An Engagement Story

Friends, Family and the like ...

As you have hopefully heard by now I am officially the fiancee of Chad Spencer.  
*super huge smiley face*
I've never felt so happy, excited and blessed in my entire life. 
Chad is the man of my dreams and so much more, I can't wait to be Mrs. Spencer.
I've had many requests of how he popped the question. So for my Hump Day Happiness post I thought I would share. 

Happy Story:
We were celebrating our 7 month anniversary that day. He came to pick me up at my apartment with a dozen roses and two boxes of Waffle Crisps. (My absolute most favorite cereal that is only sold at Harmons.) He looked completely stunning as always. We walk to his car and what did he have inside? Watermelon Arizona's!!! (My most favorite drink ever). We started drinking (the AZ's) driving and talking, and before I realize what's going on we're on the freeway. I asked him where we were going and he said, "It's a surprise!" Then we pull up to the Cheesecake factory. Neither of us have been before but it was DELISH!!! He seemed a bit antsy but I just figured it was because he was excited. We got a slice of cheesecake with strawberries, yuuuum.
After that we went to get a second dessert (does Chad know me or what?) in SLC at this place from Man vs Food. It was a waffle house and we got a vanilla waffle with whipped cream and strawberries. Yuuuuum.
Then we drove to Sundance where they have this "full moon" lift ride where you ride the lift and you can see the full moon. We rode it once as the sun was setting and it was super romantic. Then Chad asked if I wanted to ride it again now that it was dark. I thought about it and decided we should! So we hopped on, all bundled up in our coats and his blanket. The stars were beaming and at first I thought, "where's the moon? It's a full moon lift ... right?" Then we went over this ridge and it was right there! 
It was SO HUGE and bright and totally romantic. We just talked about our future, funny things and the like. Then he said he was really tired, "Are you ready to go home?" " Me, "yeah totally." We get into his car but instead of turning down the canyon to go home he turned and drove up the canyon more. I was a bit confused when he said, "we have to light off a lantern." (our thing) So we got to our usual "lantern lighting spot" and we had some troubles ...

I was getting the flashlight and lighter while he was getting the lantern (annnnd my ring!) We got out and the stupid lantern wouldn't light! It took us like 5 minutes to light and when it did ... it ran into some power lines and dropped ... hoovered for a moment and then went back into the air. Haha. Chad thought we were going to start a fire. All in that process we scared some horses and they got really close to us and I thought they were going to attack us, so I tried to pull Chad back towards the car but he kept saying, "Hailey Nickell I love you so much." 
Then things kind of clicked and I said, "Chad Spencer if you're faking me out right now .." (I only said that because he told me to plan on one fake proposal before the real deal.) But he got down on one knee and said a bunch of stuff I can't really remember because I was IN SHOCK and bawling. But I do remember some things he said, and the way I felt. I felt complete joy and thought that I could die there because I was so happy. When he asked if I'd marry him I could only nod my head because I was legitly SPEECHLESS. Haha. So he asked again and I said "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!" 

It was perfect and I was so happy and am so happy and it's sooo weird. I feel like I'm in a dream and this is all surreal. We called our parents and everyone's super excited.

September 20, 2012 - Timp temple. :)))

Happy Photo: 
Happy New Sparkly Piece of Jewelry: (This is my OhMyGosh is this legit face)


Hump Day Happiness

I've decided to do a new weekly blog post.
Every Wednesday I will post things that made me happy this past week.
For obvious reasons I'll call it "Hump Day Happiness."


Happy Video:

Happy Puppy:
I want a husky sooooooooooooo badly ...

Happy Quote:

Happy Maybe Someday Wedding Shoes:

Happy Handsome Boyfriend:
Yes you can just expect to see a picture of him every week ...



As I sit here freezing cold in the ME lab and see that is pouring rain outside I can't help but think, "can I go back to Vegas?"

Goal #1 on my summer goals - Go to Vegas has been completed! 

It was absolutely amazing and I had a fantastic time with my fantastic man.

All I wanted to do was go swimming ... which we did plenty of.

M&M's !!!

At least the red M&M looks like he enjoyed my kiss

 At at at at at night

Look at that sexy smile ...

The strip

 Chad said they were my hipster glasses

Chad drinking Beverly from Italy

So many flavors ...

 New York pizza

 Vanilla Coke!

 Chad said he'd make me deep fried Oreos ....


Summer 2012 Goals

Ladies and Gents!

Remember my summer 2011 goals? Well let me tell you that last summer was freaking awesome!!! Seriously, it can be counted as one of my most fun summers ever. 
Things contributing to that include, but are not limited to:
  • No work (until the end of July)
  • No school
  • Harry was home
  • Crazy awesome adventures with crazy awesome friends
  • Knee surgery (challenging, but fun)
This summer may be a tad bit harder to complete everything my heart desires.
Things contributing to that include, but are not limited to:
  • Working full time 40 hours a week
  •  Summer semester June 18 - August 6
  • Harry is in Taiwan
With said "challenges" I still am out to make this summer epic.
So without further ado here are my Summer 2012 goals!!!

Summer 2012
  • Go to Vegas
  • Go to Colorado
  • Go boating
  • Eat funnel cake at the Provo Freedom Days
  • Kiss under fireworks
  • Fly a kite
  • Grow a garden (this is already underway)
  • Get a nice, new, blingy piece of jewelry
  • Plan a big event
  • Go on the big, long, orange slide at 7 Peaks
  • Read the Bible
  • Go camping
  • Make S'mores
  • Do well in my classes
  • Mountain Biking
  • Have a movie marathon, maybe a whole weekend without leaving the couch only for food and bathroom.
  • Go to the beach
  • Sleep under the stars
  • Get into an EPIC water fight
  •  Get ice cream from an ice cream truck
  • Cook a 5-star restaurant worthy dinner
  • Eat French Toast at Magelby's
  • Go backpacking
  • Hike timp
  • Go to sliding rock
  • Run a 5k
  • Go scootering
  • Go rock climbing
  • Go to a concert at the Red Rock Amphitheater
  • Lay in a hammock
There you have it. My epic 2012 summer list. Of course I will update my blog with my adventures.


Dear Future Husband,

Dear Future Husband,

I would like to thank you for being a strong and worthy priesthood holder.
It is so comforting to know that if I need a blessing at any time I can turn to you.
I love knowing that if something happens to one our future-someday children, you can call upon the power of the priesthood and help them.
I love thinking that through the priesthood you help others as well.
Thank you.

I would like to thank you for rescuing me from my daily challenges.
They may seem small and insignificant to the world, but they are mountains to me.
I love knowing that if I freak out because my skin is a little blotchy, you'll be there to make me feel better.
Your reassuring smile. A sweet hug. A tender kiss.
Thank you.

I would like to thank you for always building me up.
There are some days when all I can do is pound myself into the dirt.
I love knowing that you will lift me up and remind me of the good things.
I love thinking that even at my lowest points you can still see the light in me, and you bring that out.
Thank you.

I love you my future-someday husband.
I can't wait to be your future-someday wife.


6 months ...

6 months of smiles ...
6 months of laughter ...
6 months of kisses and hugs ...

6 months of telling you my doubts ...
6 months of you telling me your dreams ...
6 months of Modern Family ...

6 months of opening up my entire heart ...
6 months of you holding me while I cry ...
6 months of getting a tummy ache because I'm so excited to see you ...

6 months of talking about our future ...
6 months of tickle fights and Sunday wilds ...
6 months of cuddling close to hear your heart beat ...

6 months of you getting out of your car at red lights to come kiss me in mine ...
6 months of being excited for my new iPhone apps ...
6 months of lower lip biting ...

6 months of like-like turned love ...
6 months of your smile ...
6 months of me knowing I want 6 more with you ...


Perfect Man

It has come to my attention that perfection doesn't exist.
It won't exist either in this lifetime. It is something that we will be striving for throughout our entire lives.
To reach that goal of perfection is just not something that can be accomplished on this earth.

That means that I'm not perfect. That also means that the perfect man doesn't exist.

However, I know one man that gets pretty close to perfection in my mind.

C.M.Spencer is as close as perfection gets for me.

He is very loving and cares about how I feel.
He helps me figure out solutions to my problems and how to accomplish them.
He buys the flavor of ice cream that I like.
He holds my hand when we drive.
He wears cologne that makes me want to cuddle in closely to smell it.
He is patient and teaches piano.
He is knowledgeable and teaches Sunday School.
He dreams big and loves bigger.
He tries his hardest to be the very best man he knows he can be.

And I find that even in all his imperfections it's perfect.


It's a peaceful hum I feel in my heart.
There's a futuristic nostalgia when I talk to you.
 Let's kick our shoes off and drive.
Just lay here eyelids heavy.
Fingers, legs, thoughts intertwined.
You promise to keep me.


Dear Future Husband ...

Dear Future Husband,

Thank you for doing the little things.
They're the things that matter the most to me.



Today's Normal Society

I've caught myself this past week looking at some pictures ...
some pictures I feel ashamed to admit I've been looking at.

I've been looking at these:

These women are gorgeous, fit, sexy, in a word ideal.

In our world today society tells women from age 8 - 60 that if you don't look like any of the above images, then you're not good enough.
It's like a poison that is seeping into our blood every.single.day.
Daily we are bombarded with images of celebrities, models and other "gorgeous" people.
I know that strong women like to say, "yeah but I'm confident with how I look."
Then why are you on Pinterest pinning these beautiful women? And how to get fit. And how to do your hair. And how to get the perfect brow.
No matter how strong a woman can be, inside, secretly there is a part of her that says, "if only ..."

The worst part is that it not only affects the ladies, but the men as well.
Men see these images and that triggers something in their brain that says, "OK all women should look like this."
Therefore when we don't measure up to those standards those men think, "well why doesn't she look like this?"

Thus creating a cycle of poison.
Where will it end?
I have seen girls in class who are so plastered with makeup they don't look real. 
Is that beauty?
I've seen friends starve themselves so they'll drop a few pounds.
Is that beauty?

A word to my readers:
No matter how hard I workout.
How healthy I eat.
How much I starve myself.
How many "beauty" products I buy and use.
I will never look as "gorgeous" as any of these women pictured.

Am I OK with that?

How do we change society's views?
Can we?

Or do we just change our views and hope that we can stay strong and hold tight against the constant bombardment of ads and marketing that say, "you're just not pretty, smart, strong, sexy enough."
How do we help the men understand that normal women don't look like that?
I'm asking for solutions to this problem.
Because it IS a problem.
How can we change the ideals of today's world?