Perfect Man

It has come to my attention that perfection doesn't exist.
It won't exist either in this lifetime. It is something that we will be striving for throughout our entire lives.
To reach that goal of perfection is just not something that can be accomplished on this earth.

That means that I'm not perfect. That also means that the perfect man doesn't exist.

However, I know one man that gets pretty close to perfection in my mind.

C.M.Spencer is as close as perfection gets for me.

He is very loving and cares about how I feel.
He helps me figure out solutions to my problems and how to accomplish them.
He buys the flavor of ice cream that I like.
He holds my hand when we drive.
He wears cologne that makes me want to cuddle in closely to smell it.
He is patient and teaches piano.
He is knowledgeable and teaches Sunday School.
He dreams big and loves bigger.
He tries his hardest to be the very best man he knows he can be.

And I find that even in all his imperfections it's perfect.


It's a peaceful hum I feel in my heart.
There's a futuristic nostalgia when I talk to you.
 Let's kick our shoes off and drive.
Just lay here eyelids heavy.
Fingers, legs, thoughts intertwined.
You promise to keep me.


Dear Future Husband ...

Dear Future Husband,

Thank you for doing the little things.
They're the things that matter the most to me.



Today's Normal Society

I've caught myself this past week looking at some pictures ...
some pictures I feel ashamed to admit I've been looking at.

I've been looking at these:

These women are gorgeous, fit, sexy, in a word ideal.

In our world today society tells women from age 8 - 60 that if you don't look like any of the above images, then you're not good enough.
It's like a poison that is seeping into our blood every.single.day.
Daily we are bombarded with images of celebrities, models and other "gorgeous" people.
I know that strong women like to say, "yeah but I'm confident with how I look."
Then why are you on Pinterest pinning these beautiful women? And how to get fit. And how to do your hair. And how to get the perfect brow.
No matter how strong a woman can be, inside, secretly there is a part of her that says, "if only ..."

The worst part is that it not only affects the ladies, but the men as well.
Men see these images and that triggers something in their brain that says, "OK all women should look like this."
Therefore when we don't measure up to those standards those men think, "well why doesn't she look like this?"

Thus creating a cycle of poison.
Where will it end?
I have seen girls in class who are so plastered with makeup they don't look real. 
Is that beauty?
I've seen friends starve themselves so they'll drop a few pounds.
Is that beauty?

A word to my readers:
No matter how hard I workout.
How healthy I eat.
How much I starve myself.
How many "beauty" products I buy and use.
I will never look as "gorgeous" as any of these women pictured.

Am I OK with that?

How do we change society's views?
Can we?

Or do we just change our views and hope that we can stay strong and hold tight against the constant bombardment of ads and marketing that say, "you're just not pretty, smart, strong, sexy enough."
How do we help the men understand that normal women don't look like that?
I'm asking for solutions to this problem.
Because it IS a problem.
How can we change the ideals of today's world?


Timing is everything

All summer and fall up until October 16, 2011 - I went on date after date after date after date ...
The nerd.
The jock.
The hipster.
The friend.
The desperate.
The self absorbed.
The guy who's never going anywhere.
The nice guy.
The politician.
The bad guy.
The outdoorsy guy.

The list wouldn't end. 
I remember coming home from my mission and thinking, "OK, I will be engaged by December and married by May." 
*buzzer sound*

I was wrong about that.
I remember praying time and time again.
"Come on, please let me find someone who I actually want to be with."

But I felt that my prayers were in vain - as not one guy measured up to my standards.
That is until 5 months later ... in October.

October 16, 2011 - first date with him

Harry was getting ready to leave for his mission.
October 23, 2011
"I really just want a boyfriend to hold my hand at his farewell when I'm bawling."
I sat next to my parents, kleenex in one hand, the other held in a fist.

At this point I had come to terms that I was never going to find the one.
October 24, 2011
Text - "Hey if you need a distraction when Harry leaves let me know."

I wasn't planning on using you as my distraction.

October 26, 2011
* tear *
* sniffle *
* sob *
* bawling *
* sniffle *

Text - "I could use a distraction if the offer still stands ..."
It did.
And we went out ... again.

November 3, 2011

November 4, 2011
First absolutely perfect kiss

Timing truly is everything.
Someone higher and more powerful knew that I needed to go through those previous boys like Paris Hilton goes through credit cards, so I would recognize him when he came into my life.

Someone higher and more powerful also knew that the timing he came into my life was perfect.

April 3, 2011
Five months

I don't think I'll ever be able to express how gracefully you wandered into my existence.
You don't know it, but I went to you when I lost my best friend, seeking comfort - and even though you didn't know of my intentions you delivered.
You took the sting out of Harry leaving and helped me be excited for life.
I truly, honestly can't describe or explain in thoughts, words, motions or ideas how you coming into my life, at the time you did, was perfect.

Timing is everything.